A LESSON in life

This week we will discuss how you can tie your worktogether using the "bookend" technique. Our tutor isBritish Council teacher Simon Overton.

S tudent's C ontribution

My eyes gleamed ( 閃爍) when I saw ayouthful and bright smile from an aged and dullphoto. This is my grandmother's enchanting (迷人的) smile.

She was 75 years old when she restedin peace. I was 15. During those 15years, Grandma's appearanceadded vivid colours to my life. Yet, Ibrought her disquiet ( 憂慮) andcountless troubles.

I was brought up by Grandma. As Iremember, whenever the weatherchanged, she would tirelessly tellme to put on more clothes;whenever there was a bowl ofsoup, she would urge me todrink it. But however caringGrandma was, she waslong-winded to me. Beforelong, I became a teenager. Ithought I was oldenough to have freerein. Consequently, Ibecame impatient withGrandma-a wordy elderly.

Sometimes, I evenheld a grudge against her for herheartfelt advice and goodintentions. "Shut up, please!" I usedto wish. Despite my willfulness ( 任性、固執), Grandma was still willingto devote so much to me.

Two years ago, Grandma left mefor her last resting place and I wasnot able to see her ever again. Iwish to see her, but her eyes wereclose; I feel like listening to herwords of wisdom, but her lips couldnot move; I long to hug her, but herbody had been cremated. Indeed, Iam filled with great sorrow andremorse because I was never a filial( 孝順的) granddaughter. My heartbleeds for my innocence-I tookeverything in life for granted. Muchto my regret, I have to admit that Idid not treasure the moments thatGrandma shared with me.

This is the last thing I learnt fromGrandma-to seize everyopportunity to cherish your lovedones when they are still around, foronce we lose them, they willnever come back. To avoidtrapping into a plight of pastredemption, we ought to treatour family and friends well!The charming smile is stillshining in the yellowishphoto. In there I see avaluable lesson about life.

by Lee Mei Sin, S7The YWCA Hioe TjoYoeng College

C omment: Be consistent with tenses

This is a heartfelt piece of writing, Mei Sin.You use a good range of really evocativewords and expressions!

Your adjectives are expressive, but use acomma instead of an and to keep your writingflowing, i.e. her bright, youthful smile. Also,watch out for the proper usage ofsynonyms-long-winded and wordy bothmean "using many words", but I don't thinkthey express your grandmother's true nature!How about "However caring grandma was, sheused to pester me [...]-an old fusspot" ?

Similarly, rest in peace means "to be dead",not "to die", so here pass away is better, i.e."She was 75 years old when she passedaway."

"My heart bleeds for" is usually followed by aperson, not a thing, and certainly not yourself!How about "I mourn my innocence" ? Also,"trapping into a plight of past redemption"sounds beautiful, but the meaning isn't clearand it needs a passive voice. How about"being trapped in regret" ?

Lastly, be consistent with tenses, e.g. "Iwish to see her, but her eyes are closed" or"I wished to see her, but her eyes wereclosed"-the second one is probablybetter, and the same goes for feel and hug.

W riting A dvice: Learn the meaning

Mei Sin uses a range of words and expressionsto describe her feelings and memories. You canfind synonyms of words you already know indictionaries, and many translators give lists ofsynonyms too. This is a great way of expandingyour vocabulary, but remember to learn themeaning and usage of the word, not just thesynonym or translation. Otherwise they maysound slightly strange in their context.

Mei Sin also makes very good use of her titlein this piece of writing. We read the title first,so we know it will be about "a lesson in life",but we only find out at the very end exactlywhat this lesson is. This keeps us interestedand motivated to keep reading. Give yourreaders a reason to read-a surprise ending,a puzzle, a hint at the beginning-and rewardthem at the end.

Finally, Mei Sin "bookends" her piece withthe image of a photograph. This is anexcellent technique because it provides asatisfying conclusion to the piece and thephotograph becomes an expression of that"lesson in life" she introduced to us. Usebookends to tie your work together visuallyand expressively. by Simon Overton

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My Say!

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